DAD: "Driveway needs shovelling."
ME: "I'm a guest. I'm exempt."
DAD: "You can earn your keep by shovelling"
ME: "That's not how it works. Your lack of hospitality offends Jupiter."
DAD: "I don't give a damn if I offend Jupiter."
ME: "You should. He can throw lightning bolts at you."
DAD: "That's an awful long way to throw a lightning bolt."
ME: "You know, ancient paganism actually didn't have a well-developed concept of omnipresence. We think of omnipresence as one of the defining characteristics of a god, but Greek and Roman gods tended to be associated much more firmly with places blah blah blah..."
DAD: *shovels*

Avatar is less a movie than it is an exercise in worldbuilding. As a big fan of worldbuilding, I am officially All Over That Shit.

When I google around, I find lots of information about how and why cats purr, but absolutely nothing about why humans respond to the sound. Why do we like purring?

I think I just crossed the Geek streams. I have this sudden, illogical urge to make an icon out of the watersnake-robot scene from Terminator: Salvation with the caption, "do you know what that sound is, Connor? Those are the shrieking eels."

There's gonna be marshmallows everywhere in a minute.

... damn, that just kept getting geekier.

Hmm so what does Cil want for kurisimasu? It's a bit late to post, but I never seem to tell people when my birthday is too, haha. XD

A LIST:

1. a bigass paper cutter: I've got some fingers mega cardboard that periodically needs precision cutting and I can't be arsed to drag it all the way down to CRN to borrow the cutter. :| I'm working on my 'just in case I lose my job' backup plan atm, which involves a lot of papercutting.
   
   
2. a new tablet: I've been spoiled by the 9x12 Intuos3 at work. Coming home to my tidy little 6x4 Graphire4 just isn't the same. :(
   
   
3. new cellfone: I don't know what I was thinking when I got the Bell Cleo. It's a nice little fone, intensely girly and definitely not very stealable, but the buttons are so goddamned tiny that even my little fingers keep accidentally mashing the keys, plus I can't text on it with one hand like I can with a regular candybar/clamshell fone; I have to use two hands. The alarm system on it is complete shite, too; I set it to ring only Mon-Fri, and it fucking blares out on the weekends. Also, if you set two alarms to go off on different days, both alarms go off instead of the one designated for that day. The interface is also a little bit clunky for a textfone; it doesn't tell you the exact hour and minute the text arrived, and it only sometimes beeps to remind you to check your messages, depending on how it feels that day. It's a great leisure fone, but terrible for a practical-only kind of user like me. I don't recommend the Cleo unless you own a purse dog and have no life whatsoever.
   
   
4. an alarm clock: yes, yes, I know. I'm late for EVERYTHING.
   
   
5. a PS3: I want a DVD player. Might as well throw in a games system to boot. XD
   
   
6. small TV: for my room. Preferably something I can easily get rid of later.
   
   
7. socks!: can't go wrong with some hot new socks, baby. :D
   
   
8. new tea thermos: the one I got last year cashed out. :(
   
   
9. candles: I go through a lot of tealights.
   
   
10. a new hat: the last two I got just... don't look right on me. I miss my old green commie hat, sigh. :/
    
    
11. headphones: the little earbuds for my ipod are also cashing out. :(
    
    
12. my leg and inner ear: I'd love the use of my right leg again, plz. And my equilibrium.
    
    
13. time: to do all the stuff I want to do, ahahaha.
    

and my ridiculous Amazon.com wishlist.

Dear Students:

You wanted to know if spelling counts. It depends.

If you can't spell 'Aeschylus', I will forgive you.

If you can't spell 'Plato'... not so much.

- ironychan

PS: A Greek water clock is a 'klepsydra', not a 'kleptomaniac'. I hate you all.

Let's see some more stuff people want!

I wanna act.
(First, learn to enunciate.)

I wanna buy something.
(I'm sorry, but Google does not take hints. You're actually going to have to type 'marital aids', okay?)

I wanna cast magic missile.
(You and the 'mermaid' girl should get along.)

I wanna drive the zamboni.
(Please, please, please?)

I wanna eat where the white folks eat.
(...)

I wanna freak in the morning.
(That's what beer goggles are for!)

I wanna grow old.
(Give it time.)

I wanna have your babies Natasha Bedingfield.
(... time for a biology lesson.)

I wanna iguana.
(Iguanas are awesome.)

I wanna join the navy.
(This is the 21st century. You shouldn't have to resort to that.)

I wanna kiss a girl Kieth Urban.
(The Internet: home of Very Specific Fetishes.)

I wanna learn English.
(Good intentions, bad place to look.)

I wanna make it wit chu.
(Gezhundteit.)

I wanna new drug.
(They're working on it.)

I wanna open your door.
(Use the knob.)

I wanna protect you eels.
(You're an endangered species, you know.)

I wanna quit the gym.
(But every time I try, my personal trainer hunts me down like a dog and drags me back.)

I wanna rock your gypsy soul.
(That's "your Nomadic American soul", please.)

I wanna save the last koala bear.
(Unfortunately for you, there are still plenty of them.)

I wanna time travel.
(My unicorn will help you with that.)

I wanna use the pikey.
(I don't wanna know what that means.)

I wanna volunteer.
(Great! The lineup for septic tank cleaners is right over there.)

I wanna wear your raincoat.
(Get your own. I need mine.)

So, I'm sitting on my couch playing Ratchet and Clank, and I get a phonecall from Caleb. And he says I need to put on pants, because he's coming over. So I put on pants and answer the door. And he's holding a box, that says HP on it.
See, Caleb plays Aion with a bunch of our mutual friends, who hate WoW. And I do think Aion might warrant some investigation, but my computer won't run it due to the video card issue. Which will be solved in march, and I keep telling Caleb and crew this, but that apparently just isn't fast enough.
So he bought me a laptop. Caleb and crew REALLY want me to play Aion with them. Badly.
I'm just getting things downloaded from Battle.net, such as WoW and Starcraft, and I'll possibly have Aion up and running by this week.

So after months of delays and issues with contractors, Mokko's vet clinic finally got moved. Significantly better location, bigger facility, but we were out until midnight moving stuff. And Mokko is probably still rearranging stuff today.

Just finished reading the book, Rise of the Horde. It's all about Thrall's father, Durotan, and the choices he made for the Frostwolf Clan. Wow, couldn't put it down. My only issue, to me it seemed like the book sort of glossed over the drinking of the Blood of Mannaroth. Of course, it could just be due to the writer not wanting to overdo the future significance of the event.

I went out and immediately picked up Beyond the Dark Portal, and Lord of the Clans. Can't wait to read them next week. And thankfully next week will be very very dull at work. So I'll probably finish both books.

I also picked up the Starcraft Anthology off of Battle.net. It's the original game, Broodwar expansion, and all the patches, all the extra download maps, all in one install file. Very nice. I might have to do the same with Warcraft 2 and 3 at some point in the future.

Christmas is coming! Let's see what people want this year!

I want an alien for Christmas.
(With or without anal probe?)

I want a blowup doll for Christmas.
(It's good to keep your dreams realistic.)

I want a cheeseburger.
(This is the Internet. That's not how you ask.)

I want a death by misadventure.
(Do travel agencies offer misadventure tours?)

I want an Edward Cullen.
(My real boyfriend falls asleep when he sits in my room all night.)

I want a flippin taco.
(God damn it!)

I want a girl with a mind like a diamond.
(Shiny and impressive, but basically useless?)

I want a hermaphrodite.
(Just promise you'll never tell me what you plan to use one for.)

I want an imaginary friend.
(I tried making one up, but he didn't like me.)

I want a jetpack.
(This is supposed to be the 21st century!)

I want a know what love is.
(I want grammar.)

I want a life.
(Getting off Google would be a start.)

I want a million dollars free.
(And I want a pet unicorn.)

I want a new duck.
(My old one is broken.)

I want an officer for a secret and dangerous mission.
(The internet is full of people who want to be James Bond, right?)

I want a poo at Paul's house.
(Try Paul's toilet.)

I want a ride on your disco stick.
(I had a relationship with a witch in the 70's, and I'm feeling nostalgic.)

I want a superpower.
(When I get my unicorn, he'll grant you one.)

I want a tattoo with meaning.
(Like one of those lower back ones that mean, "a whole lotta guys have seen the rest of this tattoo.")

I want a unicorn.
(No! I have dibs!)

I want a vampire to bite me.
(I'd be a little more specific if I were you...)

I want a wedgie.
(The school jock will be happy to oblige you.)

I want a yorkie poo.
(That comes with the yorkie.)

I want a zombie apocalypse.
(Just wait for Boxing Day.)

Remember the creepy bastard who ruined my fish and chips last Friday? Tonight he sat down beside me again and said cheerfully, "let's try this again!"

I put my stuff back on my tray, got up, and left. And you know what? Despite having spent less than thirty seconds in his icky, icky company, I still feel all yucky.

Today's question is "Why is there a":

Why is there an asteroid belt?
(To hold up the asteroid pants, obviously.)

Why is there a beaver on the Canadian nickle?
(Canada is not very secure in its heterosexuality.)

Why is there a chicken in the hangover?
(Good lord, what did you drink?)

Why is there a dead Pakistani on my couch?
(Smile, nod, and back away slowly...)

Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
(Are we expecting it to go worse?)

Why is there a full moon?
(Its grandmother made dinner for it.)

Why is there a god?
(We have to blame somebody.)

Why is there a hole in boxers?
(They're anticipating the day nature realizes it left out the tail.)

Why is there an interstate in Hawaii?
(Because the government likes to mess with your head.)

Why is there a Kansas City in Missouri?
(Kansas leaks.)

Why is there a law of torts?
(The deliciousness of our desserts requires careful regulation.)

Why is there a mushroom cloud?
(If you can see it from your computer, the answer really doesn't matter.)

Why is there a new testament?
(The old one was getting pretty worn.)

Why is there an odd number of justices?
(A little-known claus says that any ties must be resolved by nude jello wrestling to the death, and nobody wants to have to watch that.)

Why is there a pancake in the silverware drawer?
(Somebody's storing it up for winter.)

Why is there a robot in Rocky IV?
(NOBODY KNOWS.)

Why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall?
(These kids and their so-called 'modern art', I tell ya...)

Why is there a tooth fairy?
(Note that this person doesn't question the existance of the tooth fairy, merely the need for one.)

Why is there an upsurge in family violence today?
(Must be the demons.)

Why is there a volatility smile?
(... does not parse.)

Why is there a watermelon there?
(The cat killed it and dragged it in to show you.)

Went to the presentation by the guy from the British School in Rome. He says they want more Canadians to attend.

I should think five minutes talking to me would have left him convinced that Canadians are the last thing they want. *sigh*

I have no idea why I keep going to faculty get-togethers. I'm no good at parties.

We've got a guest today - he's from the British School in Rome. He talked to me a bit, which was the most stressful thing that's happened all week... I was terrified I'd say something wrong and he'd think I was an idiot. When he went off to talk to somebody else, I left, because I was on the verge of panic and it was way too hot in that room. Now in half an hour I have to go to a talk this guy's giving... I hope he doesn't ask me anything in front of people.

This cheered me up. Santapede!

Today was spent pissing off salespeople. I didn't plan it that way. It just kind of happened.

At noon I set out for the movie theatre. When I got there, I went in and after a moment, realized there didn't seem to be anyone around. I had just decided it was time to retreat when a girl scurried up and apologized and said she could sell me a ticket now, but the theatre didn't open until three. I couldn't decide whether staying or leaving would make me feel like more of an idiot, so I stayed and bought a ticket. Conversation went something like this:

ME: "When's the earliest showing?"
HER: "Of which movie?"
ME: "Um... y'know... the new Disney one?"
HER: "A Christmas Carol?"
ME: "No. The... er... other one."
HER: "Sorry?"
ME: *realizes there's nothing for it* "Uh... PrincessandtheFrog."
HER: "Oh! It's at 4:50. How many tickets would you like?"
ME: "Just one, please."

Then since she already had a low opinion of my intelligence, I asked what time the theatre opens on Friday. Since I my bus to Toronto got delayed, I thought I might be able to squeeze in a matinee showing of Avatar. No dice. She sighed and told me the theatre doesn't open until the evenings on Fridays, either. I slunk out with my ticket.

That was about 1:00, so it left me with nearly four hours to kill. So I went over to the yarn store to look for this particular shade of Sirdar Yo-Yo that they haven't had in stock for ages (number 0019 - "peacock", if you want to know). The woman said no, they didn't have it... and then she looked down at the boxes she'd been busy opening. The boxes with the most recent shipment of yarn. And I felt like turds, because I knew what she had to offer to do and knew she would hate me for it. But I couldn't exactly say no, so she went through the boxes, making rather a mess in the process that she would then have to clean up, and found the colour I wanted. I have rarely hated myself more.

By this time I was hungry, so I went next door to Mr. Sub for a sandwich. I asked for it to go, but then realized I didn't have anywhere else to eat, so I stayed in the restaurant. I'm sure the girls working there thought I was a moron. Then I took a bite of one of the potato chips I'd bought and realized they were the baked ones, which I don't like. So I balled them up in my sandwich wrapper and threw them out.

It was still only about two, so I slunk on back to the knitting shop and sat there for the next two and a half hours knitting with my new ball of yarn, and keeping my head down because I was too embarrassed to talk to the women who were clustered around learning how to turn a heel. I'm sure they wondered what the hell I was doing there. At 4:00 I scurried out and went and sat in the theatre for the next quarter of an hour, knitting until the previews began.

After the movie I caught the bus home, which meant fifteen minutes waiting for it, in the dark, with a strange man at the same bus stop. You can bet I held on tight to my knitting needles. Now I have a headache and I feel like a worm. I think I'm going to bed early.

You know what evolution is? It's a little guy sitting there going, "hmm, this doesn't quite work anymore, I'll just fiddle with it." Then he slaps some duct tape on it and voila - you get things like an oesophagus that crosses the trachea, or a single organ used for both reproduction and elimination, or the dozen ways in which humans are badly designed for standing erect*. It mostly works as good as new, but can fail spectacularly at a moment's notice, in depressingly predictable ways. The 'intelligent designer' is actually the kinda guy whose work ends up on There, I Fixed It. Evolution is one giant kludge.

* I also maintain that our lack of prehensile tails was a grievous oversight.

I finished my paper! It'll need a spit-and-polish before I turn it in, and I've got to look up a reference, but other than that it's ready to go!

Now I'm going to finish a sweater!

Today's question is simply "Are":

Are all republicans closet homosexuals?
(Surely some of them are open homosexuals!)

Are bladder infections contagious?
(... what are you doing to try to pass it on?)

Are cucumbers fruits or vegetables?
(They're actually a melon. Amazing True Fact!)

Are deer herbivores?
(As long as they're alive, yes. The zombie ones eat brains, like any other undead species.)

Are eggs dairy?
(...)

Are father prayer?
(*headdesk*)

Are genies real?
(You wish.)

Are humans good or evil?
(Evil. Next question!)

Are is a verb.
(Yes. Yes, it is.)

Are Japanese girls easy?
(Something tells me you will never know.)

Are Koreans Chinese?
(... no.)

Are lobotomies still performed?
(Well, based on the evidence of some of these questions...)

Are mermaids real?
(And is there a spell to become one?)

Are narwhals real?
(No. Futurama made them up.)

Are oreos vegan?
(Are you kidding? They're made of vegans!)

Are pokemon real?
(Ask a mermaid.)

Are questionairs qualitative or quantitative?
(What a queer question.)

Are rottweilers good with kids?
(Why, yes! I recommend a nice rosé with that.)

Are sidekicks sold in Canada?
(No GST on Jason Todd this week - Tim Drake still regular price.)

Are turkeys male or female?
(I somehow suspect they come in both.)

Are uggs still cool?
(You're implying that there was a time when they were.)

Are volcanoes alive?
(What?)

Are we human or are we dancers?
(I thought it was only the white people who couldn't dance.)

Are Xena and Gabrielle lovers?
(This is Google. You want fanfiction.net.)

Are zebras black with white stripes?
(If you shave one, I believe you will find that they are in fact pink.)

My computer's got a trojan, I've got my period, and it's way too damn hot in my room. Touch me and I'll bite your fingers off.